read this to see what i mean - self

Inner experience

• Self

  The calm, wise part of you that can watch your other feelings and thoughts with open mindedness and not too much reactivity. Like the captain of the ship, or the leader of the pack, or the driver of the bus, or the boss at the head of the table.

• Parts

  Different aspects of you that have their own jobs, feelings, and fears. Think characters in a play, they all want to perform well, but use different “personalities” and “approaches” to effectively perform. Like the crew of the ship, or the middle and back of the pack dogs, they want the alpha dog to be successful in her leadership, and all have a role in controlling the environment. The passengers on the bus, or the employees and independent contractors at the confrence table.

• Inner Child

  The younger you that learned to survive by adapting to your environment. Not just a memory, but a living part that needs repair, kindness, and care. The part of you that hides behind the defenses that your parts created to manage yourself in the world. (see terms of attachment)

• Adaptive Child

  Terry Real’s construct of the inner child. The part of you that learned to survive (manage life safely) by being tough, or being a people pleaser, or dissociating (shutting down). The part that actively continues to run the show even though it’s strategies don’t work so well anymore.

• Wise Adult

  The mature, grounded you that can step in, take a breath, and decide what’s effective in the moment. Not reactive. Behaving compassionately.